If being king of the world means dying a frozen death so that a girl I just met earlier that day could live, I'll pass.

They say loose lips sink ships. I say in the case of the Titanic I believe it was a huge fucking iceberg, dead ahead!

Lost Blog

Has it been virtually swept under my mother board's rug?

Safety in Numbers

An office is a perfect setting to find some no-bit secretary mass emailing everybody in the 1500 person office to try and pool together money for the $350 million power ball. The hope here is to magically change her and her fellow employees miserable lives. This just in, some trucker in Nebraska just crapped on all of their dreams.

Next Friday Consider Dressing Down More Than Just Your Attire.

Free bagels on Friday means a swarming of office buzzards and scavengers snatching up whatever is left of their pathetic lives. "Ray!" Peggy exclaims, "did you see they have a sixth type of cream cheese this week?" No Peggy you miserable wench, I hadn't notice. -RAY D

When Life Gives You Lemons, Squirt it in Someone's Eye.

Mindless chitchat thrives in an office setting. If anyone actually said what they were really thinking everyone would hate each other. Weather, weekend, kids, and reality TV are all popular topics of crap. But I guess when work is so boring you tend to grapple onto anything that isn't business jargon in reference to TPS reports. So the thought of hearing how Marcy had one of her cats spaded and the other put to sleep in the same weekend is actually mildly interesting. Of course little does she know that the cute little homemade treats I gave her for her cats last week is the reason why fluffy has just been incinerated into a pile of dust with fifty other fur balls. -RAY D

Keep your inner-monologue to yourself.

I love when people let me in on their inner-monologue, especially when they're giving themselves a verbal pat on the back. Keep in mind I don't want to hear any of it, from their mental grocery list to a reminder to call the doctor and ask what the next step is if the rash hasn't cleared up. I would rather they just keep it all to themselves, all of it. - RAY D

Office Antics

Occasionally I've had the misfortune of getting something stuck in my teeth after eating. I admit, there have been times when I've stuck my entire hand in my mouth in an attempt to dislodge whatever little goody was wedge in between my choppers. With that said this doesn't happen very often. My little cube buddy however gets stuff stuck in her teeth everyday. Which I guess is fine, I understand that in her old age she may have dentures or some tooth decay that provides ample crevices for food to get stuck in. What I don't understand is why she insists upon making this hideous slurping sound while trying to free the little morsel from between her bicuspids.