Desk Doz’n

Running out of fuel mid-day is a dilemma I run into at least twice a week. I don’t mean slightly lethargic or dragging a bit, I mean if I could some how figure out a way to lock my legs I could sleep standing up. The desk doze is the worst. Sometimes I don’t know how long I’ve been out for and who’s seen me. (I can only imagine, or in this case dream, of how stupid I look.) I know I only doze-off for a hot second really, but when it’s in those little spurts it’s sometimes hard to determine how much time has passed. I look around spaced out to see if anybody is on to me.

Then I proceed to run through the wake-up routine. In response to my first doze-off I get up and get a glass of water. For the second doze-off I take a walk to the bathroom and splash a little water on my face. For the third doze-off, a cup of coffee. For the fourth a little snack. It is when I reach the fifth doze-off that things start getting weird, and I get into this scolding/pep-talk.

I start chastising myself, saying shit like, “Need I remind you (me) of how lucky you are to have this job and how ridiculous you’d feel if the reason why you were fired was for sleeping at your desk. Why the hell are you staying up for the mid-night run of Sports Center anyway? You watch the same damn episode the very next morning. And while we’re at it, your closet looks like it vomited all over your room. Can you maybe take an evening to take care of some laundry? Maybe then you won’t have to throw dirty clothes in the dryer with five dryer sheets and give them a “pseudo-wash” as you so cleverly named it.

[As you can see things get weird. It goes on for a few more minutes but I won’t bore you or freak you out anymore.]

Ultimately after considering and reconsidering going outside and sleeping on a bench or quitting my job, I perk up a bit. Not enough to accomplish much work mind you, but enough to fake working until I can get to grand central and sleep on the train. Though the thought of working at home sounds nice, I would succumb to afternoon naps way to easily. I can just hear myself now, “Come on, a five minute nap is harmless, and besides afterwards you’ll feel rejuvenated and fresh and ready to work.”