My Solution To Social Security Is A Series Of Conveyor Belts And One Gigantic Tar Pit (don't worry they won't feel a thing).

Why is it that old people are so anal about the grocery store conveyor belt? What is the worst that can happen? The worst-case scenario is the cashier will have to remove their can of cat food (which I fear they're eating) from my bill and I will go about my day. But instead they grab for the plastic divider white knuckled and slam it down between their fancy feast and my bag of bananas. I can only surmise that the reason for this behavior stems from a horrible checkout line past. Perhaps when they were my age, there were no conveyor belts and all cashiers had no tolerance for grocery misunderstandings and the penalty for such an infraction was the removal of a digit.

The meticulous fervor of the checkout line antics carries over into the choosing of the perfect cantaloupe. I have witnessed squeezing that could be considered sensual, smacking that could be considered abusive and general indecisiveness that could frustrate even the most patient of people. With all that said, if I thought that would be the last cantaloupe I would ever buy, I would put some time into the selection as well.

What's a rant about geriatrics in the super market without mentioning their habits at the deli counter? Without these people the production of liverwurst would come to a grinding halt. Of course, I've had liverwurst once, but that was because my Grandma gave it to me, and I thought it was bologna (yes I used to eat bologna). But with my one experience, I hadn't realized that there were so many varying thicknesses one could desire. As I wait on line I watch as the woman behind the counter shakes a thin piece, of what appears to be fuzzy meat, over her head. "Just a little thinner," the geriatric replies, as he reaches over the counter to sample what would have been a discarded piece of processed meat.

I know these same people are someone's grandparents and are sweet and thoughtful. But when's the last time you've had to wait for your grandma to count out 97 cents in pennies or remain patient as she argues about a can of discounted yams?