Today’s Side Dish Is Cauliflower Ear.

“I like all types of music.”

There are a number of ways I wish I could respond to this statement. For instance cocking back and cracking the person dead in the forehead, or better yet, boxing in their ears so they can never again hear “all those types of music” Despite wanting to respond with physical action, I usually employ a more socially acceptable response. Verbal abuse.

Is that so, I say. As I proceed on with the inquisition, I ask, “so you must like country then and techno of course, and ooh who can forget polka?” At this point the person begins to pick up on my sarcasm, which is good because even a corpse should be able to taste this thick slice I’m serving up.

Sooner than later the person loses interest in talking to me and walks away saddened that they'll never get those four and a half minutes back.

Ultimately the person was just trying to be polite and make conversation with the one guy at the party who wasn’t talking to anyone. Little do they know that I ‘d rather talk to a pair of tonsils jiggling in a jelly jar than talk to someone who “likes all types of music.”